***Hey Boy..how u doin…my name is Beth..last name Brunson.. And I was wondering if YOU could take me out..show me a good time.. invite me to your house.. J late night early morning.. pretty sure ima go into cardiac arrest.. drinkin an XL redbull, cawfee, chocolate milk and sum ice whaaatahh.. jeahhhh I’m thirsty.. lull in more ways than 1 I suppose..
So ummm yeah… totally in a craptastic mood today.. I dislike females who act like they are friggin 8 ft tall with 2 AK47s ready to kill yo ass...fuck up outta here... u might wanna get ur Sloth from the Goonies lookin ass up outta here! Sooooo OFF that because I don’t plan on being a plastic in this blog.. This blog was meant to rant about my not so great night……………
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| can you say Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth! |
Big Double Sigh.. Let me start by saying this ***clears throat.. My 8 year old and 6 year old have been begging me for a fooking year to get them Ninetendo DSi's..Can’t just say DS’s in my house you gotta say the whole kitten caboodle ya diggity dig. So yea any whore..Begged and Begged and did some more begging.. Me being the cheap asshole that I am.. ignore their pleas and got away with it for 12 effin months folks… yea we are tawkin these lil fukkas asked me every day for an entire calendar year… and every day I would say maybe we will see and blah blah bullshit like that… ((mind you… I didn’t mind getting my then 7 now 8 year old one it was my then 5 now 6 year old that worried me..((jus wanna say my 6 year old takes better care of it than my 8 yr old... smdh for underestimating that little trolly troll Kenny..)) BUT I didn’t want to get one for one and not the other.. anyone who has kids of the same sex close in age can kinda sorta feel my pain. **any ho.. so for their birthdays this year they really wanted these stupid expensive effin things… I folded like a piece of paper and decided to get them… sighs fast forward
>>>>>>ScRuReY…… sCrUrEy…… ScRuReY<<<<<<<< ß----that’s my VCR sound effects…mhmmmm
Alrighty tidy back to my interesting eventful evening…I ran to the grocery store.. left the kids in the car.. NO worries.. they were completely being supervised by each other..and they were unbuckled with the car running and windows rolled up.. I mean c’mon people I am qwen of role model mommy… anywhore.. I get back to the car and they had spit out their gum that I gave them to occupy them and conned the “pizza holder” into letting them eat the pizza we just got for dinner… Savages!!
Yelled at the little emm effers to get back in their seats buckle up cuz we were rolling out….I Back up, turn the music on and proceed to exit Kroger… hang a left onto Main and whaddya kno my side door flies the eff open.. I break and panic.. and start counting heads thinking ohhh tiny infant baby gzus someone jus fell out.. sighhhhhs false alarm everyone was safe and sound..smdh at spitting gum wads out for pizza they wasn't supposed to eat and then NOT closing the door properly.. So pizza holder closes the door and we proceed home…
We gets out the car and Bray and Kenny are still in it bouncing around.. So I tell em c’mon what the crickey are you all doin.. Bray says he cannot find his Nintendo DSi.. I instantly knew that effin thing flew out when the door flew open… Like effin seriously.. Like really folks.. Like SERIOUSLY..where they do that at!? Shakin my damn motha fukkn head… WHY baby gzus.. WHY!?!??! I said… well I don’t know what to tell you kid it is probably in a million pieces on main street.. He of course starts to cry.. I of course being mommy dearest..I tell him to suck that shit up and fix his damn mother effin face before I do! Then pizza holder tells me go look for it….huh DSi fell out the car on a busy damn road and is smashed into a catrillion different pieces say what!? ***looks around… are you serious Pizza holder.. you want me to really get more upset by seeing it firsthand… Pizza holder says… yea you never know… I grab my keys and stomp out the door like this is effin ridicy… **seriously tawkin out loud at this point..droppin eff bombs and speedin… So I get back to the scene of the crime and WHADAYA KNO… I see the little fucker layin in the road… ((logic Bee would have parked and walked into the street and grabbed it… erratic bee guns it… cuts in front of traffic throws vinny in park and gets out… Of course this effin napkin in the suburban breaks and starts honkin like I am fuckin up his driving ability… Which I wasn’t might I add!!! There is totally 3 lanes and he was totally in the far left and I was totally in the far right!! Ole fukka jus wanted to be dramatic… So I reach for it.. and Hilly billy jack decides to roll down his window and yell “hey you dumb bitch..drive much” huhhhhhh me being me look around like is he really tawkin to me..oh hell to the no bobby this fukka is really tawkin to me.. so me being me again said… FUCK YOU as I shake my fist in the air… If I didn’t need that damn DS.. I would have chucked it at his 1980 something blue on silver Suburban… FML… I get back in and laugh the whole damn way home cuz I always find humor in the most effed up sitchies… So I get in the house inspect it and it was intact.. like really! Battery was missing but we can work with that.. So we swap Kennys battery and put it in Brays and whadoya kno!! IT EFFIN WORKS…..***AWHHHHH -----HA-LEY-LU-LAH …..mhmmmm lu-LAH bishes lu-LAH… OH ASH WEDNESDAY.. THANK YOU!! MORAL OF THIS STORY.. KIDS ARE LITTLE FUCKERS!
*** THE END!
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