I ain't no mutha fuckin SPOOBY bitch!

Hello young world it is me again..I have had a shitastic weekend..pardon me for my absence.. I was feeling better today until this manila gorilla lookin ass bitch wanted to test me.. She must not know that I am emotionally unstable right now..cuz she sure in the fuck had a staring problem and was shocked and appalled when I told her some "BOO" as I walked past her to get in my car... and FYI that wife beater and no bra isn’t workin for you..matter of fact it should be illegal..illegal as that fucked up lace front on your damn head.. enjoy ur day tootles..

Believe it or not her lace front was worse..and not combed..ewww kill yoself!



Normally I AM this mean.. but today I said it with hate.. almost wanting her to fuck with me some more.. but she didn’t have shit to say surprisingly.. after praying for forgiveness I chuckled.. as I got to work I seen this man in tight sweats that were to short..and a tight ass sweatshirt and bookbag..reminded me of the kid from BIG.



Is that a wedgy!? ewwwwie gooey!



 I said damnnn that should be ILLEGAL too.. wtf is wrong with the world today..apparently lots.. and I am here to tell you there is a laundry list of shit that should be illegal.. and when I become the leader of the free world I will enforce it! So please brace yourself because you will be arrested for NOT being awesome.

Much love,

BB

1.       People at stop lights who blare some techno music like we are at a rave.. at least turn the shit down or roll up your windows..rude rave-aholic fukka

2.       Justin Beiber.. YOU SUCK, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS..and if YOU are a fan YOU SUCK TOO… life without the possiblilty of parole for you people

3.       Tan-a-rexics.. listen I am ALL for a little color.. nobody wants to look at something that is pasty white..ewwww but fa real fa real..if you look like an umpa loompa.. ima say..you need an intervention… your race shouldn’t be ORANGE.. not cute

4.       Speedos on men.. Unless your name is Michael Phelps.. Don’t fucking do that EVER!

5.       Short Sleeve shirts with a neck tie… dude you are screaming scum bag..it reminds me of Sipowicz from NYPD blue..

6.       Bitch ass fuks who cleary see the road signs that say road closing 3 mi but still wait to the very last minute before merging! AND THEN DON’T EVEN FUCKIN GIVE YOU A HAND WAVE to show appreciation for letting them over…you make me want to ram my car into yours and then cut you back off while giving you the finger

7.       Hating the Chicago Bears.. punishment should be public stoning!

8.       Wearing Crocs..even you Mario Batali! What the fuck..fuck comfort you look like an asswipe..they make your feet sweat..which in return make ur feet smell.. ewwwie

9.       White girls with weave… ummm WHY!?

10.   Grown men on Mopeds/Scooters.. you look fucking RIDIC and Grown, Fat men on scooters… lawd gzus.. you are gonna be exiled from my Country!

11.   Men who think they are GOD’s gift to women.. actually you are a piece of shit with desco dick.. THAT IS ALL!

12.   Last Call….Noooooooo I hate this!

13.   Old People.. Yea I said it! What!? Nothing worse than walking behind them or driving behind them they are S-L-O-W as fuck.. and not only that, why must they smell like musk!? And why does their breath have to smell like cat shit?

14.   People who wear shorts and flippys with a hooded sweatshirt.. what the fuck!? I mean I know its colder up north than it is down south but dayum.. you look like a fucking idiot.. really you do..

What in theeee FUCK is this shit!?!?

I stumbled across this website.. and choked on my damn saltines.. and you know them shits are dry all fucking ready!!! Sighhh oh sighhhh This just goes to show NOT everyone can be a freakin Photog!

Seriously WTF!? #1 Dad if you hike dem jeans any higher you gonna get a yeast infection..and Mom really you actually thought a topless family photo with your 2 young daughter was a good idea.... ummmmmm weird jus weird!!

I have 3 sons.. and as much as I love dressing them alike.. Dressing them like a Ribeye never crossed my mind! huh who would have thunk it! I wonder if they had to get these specially made.. SMH Lady Gaga aint got nathan' on them!

I don't know what is worse.. the fact that they are in prom gowns in the middle of the woods.. Or that they are holding COCKS... jus sayin

**I'm too sexy for my shirt..too sexy for my shirt..So sexy it hurts!**

Me TARZAN you JANE lookin ass..

hahaha ohhh lawd.. with his mullet and small wenis.. smh

#1 why are you drinking OJ? It's milk that does a body good..and by the looks of the bone popping out of your pelvis it looks like you could use some.. #2 I am impressed by ur flexability and will be starting yoga IMMEDIATLY! lmao

Goooooooooooo!.. once I realized what it was I was looking at it   ^^^ scared the SHIT outta me!! seriously

Does he look like Ron Jeremy to anyone else?

P.S. are they gonna kill Petey with the bayonet!?

P.P.S. we can see who wears the pants in this family..and it isn't Ron Jeremy Jr.Jr

((I inserted a pic of Ron Jeremey.. cuz sum of ya'll apperently don't like porn as much as I do..))

Ok hunee.. ok hunee..ok hunee DAMN lil BITCH ima need you to stop kissing my man NOW!

Nothing says BABY like a tire :) at least you coulda wiped the dirt off them treads ya dig!

Mirror Mirror on the wall..Ohhh I can't wait to grow up and be a topless bride with jeans on..

I call em April babies..cuz they're fools.

Anyone who knows me.. Knows I EFFIN loathe 4.1.. I am uber gullible as it is.. What can I say.. I am jus as sweet as pie and naive.. screechhhhhhhhh.. jus effin with ya..but I am gullible tho..anywhore I don't like tricks.. tricks are for kids.. and old dirty pervs.. so needless to say, I wasn't really looking forward to April fools.. ok soooo when I woke up to a text message about my sister winning the little lotto.. I was like HA yea whatev nice try.. and when my son came down..trying to cry thru his big ole smile about his arm being broke.. I was feeling pah-retty confident that this day was gonna go off without a hitch... mhmmmm.. I get to work and the chick who has had a hysterectomy for 6 years announced she was pregnant.. LULL.. I was thinking these muffuckas gotta wake up extra early to fool me.. being a Wanga.. not a good look.. really this is what got me was my wanganess...


**My beezy (we shall call her Collette..Cole for short..I always liked that name..probably I should seek out a Collette and befriend her and then I really could have a beezy name Collette..hmmm taking over the world one thought at a time) N-E-WHORE...


Okkk..so Cole has been friendly with a weird lil gent for some time now.. I told that heffa don't be nice to everyone.. that is like feeding the stray cats..they follow you home..same deal with P Diddy..<--that's what we are calling him.. ;)


So P.Diddy is a total creeper.. TOTAL ewwwie gooey..creeper and no matter what cole does P.Diddy never gets the hint.. OK SO THIS BISH IS SLICK.. totally set me up the night before I do believe..
We were talkin and she told me that P.Diddy is totally freakin her out... and she was going to block his number because he was starting to make her feel uncomfortable.. so she texted me later on that night and told me she blocked him. OK cool


I get up on 4.1 and mutha fuckas think they are slick but I'm dodging their jokes like dodge balls.. getting real cocky.. then she texts me

Cole-"Diddy is banging on my door..im supa scared..can u come here!?!?"

Me-Fa real Fa real??

**crickets**
NO FUCKING ANSWER
^^mind you I am at work.. at my desk.. and my heart is beating fast for my poor little ole friend and worried about the big bad wolf bangin on her door because she killed all his advances and blocked him from contacting her...and now he is probably super duper pissed ((he aint all there in the head if you ask me))
AND
this heffa isn't texting back... oh fuck.. should I jus get up and leave.. should I call the police.. what the fuck should I do..FUCK


I call her..
Ring Ring Ring...


Cole- **whispers** Hello
Me- **whispers back** are you ok
Cole **whispers** no..he went from the front door to the back door.. banging on the door really loud.. I am upstairs with the baby so he won't hear us. should I call the police??


AT THIS POINT.. I AM GATHERING MY SHIT.. KEYS, SUNGLASSES, PURSE..TAKING OFF MY EARRINGS.. PUTTING MY HAIR IN A PONY..LACING MY NIKE'S..PRACTICING MY THROAT PUNCH THAT I LEARNED OFF CHARLIES ANGELS..


Me **still whispering** dude I am on my way... jus stay right there..
Cole **still whispering** No friend it's ok you don't have to..
Me**what!? why
Cole** cuz I'm totally fucking with you.. hahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaa
Me**what the eff trick? **click**


Yea, she got me good.. ole heffa had me going..when I least expected it.. she got me.. wanch..

U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi you ugly eh! Hey! You ugly!

**totally listening to Pandora.. Sugarland station..and pretty much it is country.. and I kinda like it... IFKR.. who would have thunk it...I don't know who the eff Rascal Flatt is but I like him :) lol

Went to court today.. Don't ask me why cuz I don't wanna talk about it.. and don't bother tryin to look me up either cuz I am a #LawAbider.. fuckka.. Soooo Why did I bring up the fact that I went to court you ask? Cuz I do have a point to my effin story I swear... Any HO..


~This man was at the elevator and he was pushing the fucking ((already lit) elevator button like it was gonna make shit happen faster.. Like magically the elevator was gonna swoop down get us and  lift off to whatever floor at a super fast speed or sum shit... I was already irritated that my sleep was interrupted 45 min early and now this douche in the elevator wants to click the fucking button 15 times.. Gzus buddy fucking stop it you are annoying! I rolled my eyes and whadda u kno..I realized that it doesn't take much to fucking irritate me.. let me list you the most irritating shit in the entire fucking world! (( I love a list if you haven't noticed)


~ inconsiderate assholes who talk on their cell phone at the most inappropriate times..ie in line at the gas station or grocery store.. and all the poor cashier wants is for you to click yes 1 more gain on the effin debit card machine but NoOoOoO ur too busy talking about ur effin day to even listen to her...ur holding up the fookin line douche ball...tell that bitch on the phone to hold for 10 seconds!

~ Speed Humps

~ When someone sends me a text message and I can't tell if they sent it to a bunch a people or jus me.. I don't wanna respond if it was a mass text and look like a douche and I don't wanna not respond if it was jus sent to me and look like a big ole bitch #DILEMMA

~Pennies.. all change for that matter except Quarters..I like Quarters..for vending machines and vacuums and shit like that.. but pennies can go suck a dick..

~ Rebecca Black..and if you don't know WTF I'm tawkin about then consider urself lucky..No seriously go buy a lotto ticket u lucky bastards..

~  You have reached the voice mailbox of 3--0--9--2--8--7--0--0--1--2. At the tone, please record your voice message. At the end of your message, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options. To leave a callback number, press 5. To page this person, press 8. If you still want to leave a message for this person, press 2 now. BEEEEEEEEP. GZUS I SHOULD HAVE TEXTED...THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT!

~ Rude Jerk-offs who leave their car door open EVEN tho they see u trying to pull in right next to you... Listen fuck face if there was another spot TRUST me when I say I would have parked there but there wasn't so if you could kindly stop being a stuck up bitch for 2 seconds and let me squeeze in here real quick.. I would greatly appreciate it..

~  people who can't fucking talk... "I suspect you to be on time"... BITCH what the fuck are you retarded..you suspect? no bitch you're suspect..suspect of being an illiterate fuck.. it's EXPECT stoopid.

~ people who ask me what I am reading... ummmmmm move a lil bit and look and the cover.. you really interrupted my reading time to ask me that... Rotate..

~ one-uppers.. you know the folks that NO matter what ur story is.. they been there done that with a twist..
"so yea my car was broken into last night." considerate people.. "oh wow that sucks dude..sorry..was anything taken?" The one upper " Mine was too! Except I was in it and they took me at knife point to the ATM and robbed me.. fucking really! I hate you...go to hell and die you one-upper fuck!

~ Know it alls... Ok Ms. Wikipedia..Who the fuck even asked you for ur 2 cents..

~ The motha fukkin Ratchet Ass Redbox.... holy fuck this should be number 1... I can't stand when there is people at the redbox.. a whole family huddled around this  little machine trying to figure out what movie to rent...are you serious... I patiently try and wait and not look like I'm irritated because you can't decide on a movie and u are holding up the line... It is a mutha fuckin dolla.. how about you each pick one...I will give you the damn dollar if you just hurry the EFF up! never fails.. never ever..I jus don't understand FML and the Gosh Darn RED BOX...

~ Justin Bieber...scratch that.. grown folks who love love love J.B.=creeptastic! jus sayin

~ Peeps that order a steak well done... why spend ur money on it foolish.. jus get a hamburger..

~Mustaches...***shudders very much pedophile-ish... unless it is a stache-bar u kno that looks like a handlebar.. then ur just effin awesome and I wanna be like you when I grown up..

~People who can't spell the word TOMORROW.. it's not tomorraw.. or tomarrow..I really don't like people who can't spell period.. I know I use typonese.. but a bitch can spell.. a bitch did finish HS and a bitch did go to college.. so naaa naaa

~ folks that chew and smack their gum like they are a cow chomping on grass.. ughhh fuck kill yo self.. kill me instead..

~The checker outter and the grocery store.. You know the one always anxious to give ur children stickers. That bitch must not have children.. cuz all those lil rug rats do is A. leave em on their clothes and I accidentally wash them and then its mission impossible to get them off their clothes.. or B. ima find these stickers all over my wall.. and when I try and peel them off my paint comes with it.. SMH

~Drivers who refuse to turn right on a red light... Pahrettttyyy sure your "Rules of the Road" book clearly states that this is a legal move.. So why are you playing with my impatient emotions by not turning!??!

~advertisement/commercials online....looky hurrrr.. I have had a DVR since 07.. I haven't watched commercials in years.. why the eff should I have to watch them jus to watch a pinche youtube video!?

~Shoppers who don't return their shopping carts.. it is uber annoying and plain ole lazy!

~Litterbugs.. shame on you!

~Parents who don't know how to NOT dress their kids like they are homeless. Ughhhh

~Mudda fuckers who can't take a joke..did you break ur funny bone or summin??

~Uni-brows

~People who have to remind you every effin day how happy they are..Listen here you lying ass bitch.. NOBODY is that happy ALL the fucking time not even people who take ecstasy. Soooo really are you trying to convince me or yourself  on how happy you are!? #FoodForThought