Holy Moses! I haven't blogged in months!

Please don't take it personal..I haven't fucked with anyone lately. I will be back..I pinky promise

Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the 1st of the month!!!

Hola..Hola..HOLA!!! Did ya'll miss me?? Anyone?? Anyone?? Stalkers?? Anyone?

**I'm back for a quickie** YOU ARE WELCOME ((IN ADVANCE))

You know everyone gets their link on the 1^st and I get paid on the 31^st so this works perfectly

 for all parties involved..50 fo that hunnit..((never mind ya’ll don’t do nothing about that!!)) AnyHO..so on Friday evening I decide ima go to the grocery store ((instead of the club…Cuz that’s what real grown women DO! Jus sayin)) anyways I take the baybays because..well shit because they are my kids!
**I Pull up to Kroger and as I'm fixing my hair and applying my lip gloss.. I politely tell these little mo fo’s they either behave or they lose their life.. && they kno I’m a little off my rocker so they oblige

PAUSE **getting off track a bit but I just gotta know))

Does anyone else pick the 1 retarded cart that’s wheels don’t want to spin!? Never ever fails..EVER! and of course my children want the one that looks like a car in the front.. fucking greattttttttt..not only do I have the broke down busted one..I look extra fucked up pushing 2 big head ass boys in the car part…the damn semi of grocery buggy's or carts or whatev you prefer to call em..

So we are cruising along… doin our mudda fuggin thizzle..and Kenny my middle son starts fighting with his lil bruh bruh Debo.. So I tell him to come next to me..in case he gets outta pocket he is within arm’s reach..ya kno.. we get to the snack section..and I let them pick out 1 snack each..((anymore and we would be there all night with their little indecisive asses..)) Well Kenny decided he wanted 2.. Im like looky here you little greedy bastad..you gets 1..thats it that’s all!! LOW KEY lil dude was super pissed…but I gives no fuck.. 1 is 1 is 1 is 1.. so fast forward..I get my groceries..cart is heavy as shit it’s all ready retarded so Im pushing like a muffuka to make it move (( I LOOKED LIKE I WAS IN THE STRONG MAN COMPETITION..NO LIE)) …Im like fuck this shit..I need a drink.. so I push the cart down the sliqour isle.. ((WITH ALL INTENTIONS ON GETTING SOME MOSCATO..((BAREFOOT MOSCATO AT THAT!! CUZ IM CLASSY LIKE THAT BITCHES!!)) lol..So Im lookin and Kenny who is still standing by me cuz he doesn’t know how to act right is now messing with all the bottles.. Im like DUDE.. you got some liquor money!?? He was like NO.. I said “ then quit messing before you break one”

OK so as im lookin at my uber expensive wine J..I glance to the left and see a Kroger special on Svedka vodka a half gallon for 16.99.. STRAIGHT UP you can’t beat that.. So I’m like Shitttttt lemme get that instead of my wine…So I gets my half gallon of vodka and I’m like I’ll drink tonic and lime with it.. very refreshing lemme tell you! So I grab my stuff and head to check out.. and realize I can’t use the self checker because I have a cart load of food and such.. So I headed for the only check out open at 7:00 on a Friday night on the 2^nd of the month

CUZ THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE RIGHT!? RIGHT!!

I head for the check-out so I can start standing in the long ass line..MIND YOU.. I have a 3 year old who is asking me every question under the sun.. I have my 6 yr old who has ADD and won’t stop messing with the magazines and candy and then my sweet boy..my ride or die my right hand man Bray Bray helping push the retarded semi truck shopping cart..So as we stand in line all I can think of doing is going home and having a drink! Shit I'm exhausted fa real fa real!! I realized I don’t have a lime.. and being as I have already been in line and there are now people behind me I ask Bray if he will go grab some.. So as he goes to get the lime, Kenny gets pissed and starts to whine about not getting to go.. So I tell him chill out and stop acting like that.. DUDE starts stompin his feet acting real out of pocket.. I gave him the glare ((MOM’S YOU KNOW “THE LOOK”)) and so he turns and faces the candy and then turns back around all excited with candy in his hand, and asks me “mom can I have this!? I said “NO, you already picked out a snack Kenlon” he was like pleaseeeeeee pleaseeeeeeeee pleaseeeee.. so I'm already irritated.. he has been acting bad since we got in the door.. I got a retarded ass cart.. I'm being interrogated by a 3 year old.. and I'm tired!  So I’m like “NO..ask me again and Ima make you put your snack back!"

***this little shit was like “ IF YOU DON’T LET ME GET THE CANDY, THAT MEANS YOU DON’T LOVE ME!”

I'm not even gonna lie.. he pissed me the fuck off.. like WHAT DID HE JUS SAY TO ME!!!? I smacked him ((OPEN HANDED..NO CLOSED FISTS HERE PEOPLE :)) in the mouth like.. Watch what you say lil boy.. I will whoop you in the store in front of all the people!!

**Please someone tell me why the lady behind us in line GASPS and grabs her chest like I hit him in the face with a brick?? So I turn and gave her a fucked up look like **shut your dramatic ass up bitch** and this heffa actually had the NERVE to say.. “ that really wasn’t necessary!”

ummmm no she didn’t.. no the fuck she didn’t.. lawd gzus she did..she really really did!!

So before I can even think.. I'm like “bitch, shut up before you’re next” and then when I realized what I said I turned around like.. oh my gawd..I got EVERYONE staring..AND at this point.. it's so quiet in that mufukka all you here is the **BEEP…BEEP..BEEP of the register..so here comes oblivious Bray with the Limes..and you can tell he doesn’t know what happened but he knows it was bad..people are quiet..I'm pissed..Kenny's dramatic ass is holding his face crying..so he starts helping put the groceries up at the register in a faced pace..haha ..even Trae is tryin to help ((by throwing shit from the cart to the belt)) we got Kenny who is crying and the lady behind me ((whose probably callin 911 and the DCFS on me..)) sigh oh sigh..I get the groceries up there..then I'm trying to explain to the cashier that I’m paying with this portion of the groceries with link..and everything else *((INCLUDING MY HALF GALLON OF SVEDKA AND TONIC AND LIMES AND SHIT..with DEBIT)) you can imagine how unfit I look right about then… I KNOW EVERYONE IN THAT DAMN LINE WAS JUDGING ME!! ** and to top it off** I can't remember the girls pin # to save my life..I have to call the broad and hold up my quick escape even longer!!! LOL ((I couldn’t get out of the store fast enough..seriously))  moral of the story.. Don't take your children grocery shopping!!

X's & O's
BB

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes. Hate in my heart, love in my mind.

I read this article the other day about a woman cutting off her mans dick and then putting the severed wenis into a garbage disposal. My thoughts were ALL over the place...


#1What did this muffukka do to piss her off?
#2 How will he ever fuck again?
#3 How the hell did it get to this point that she felt the need to cut his thang thang off?
#4 I wonder what a severed dick looks like?


I'm sure these are absolutely normal thoughts that one has when reading a story like this.


Now I can't help but wonder what he done did to piss her off. Ima go with he was fuckin around or he got caught up doin some bullshit.. Ima say that dude did the dummy and led this girl on into thinking that she meant more to him than she actually did.. kinda like Rocko said "we just be coolin it we aint going steady" If you don't tell a bitch that 9 times outta 10 she gonna assume cuz ya'll fuckin you go together.. So fella's keep it 100!! & ladies...dick is never that serious.. NEVER EVER.. Dick is everywhere and why females do the crazy dumb shit that they do over some dick I will  never understand.. But I am hoping with this blog I can enlighten a chick and hopefully save a dicks life..






I compiled a list of "signs" that you might be a JUMP OFF if...I hope this list will help these crazy bitches and save a dick one day.. real talk


Drum roll please………..


You know you are the sideline chick when…..


** If you get sent to VM ALL the time


** If you only kick it at night….


**If ya’ll “order in” but never go out


**if you gotta be incognito on facebook and talk in codes mhmmm you the other bitch


** if you write something on his FB Wall and it vanishes or you are not able to tag photos of him, and his relationship status is single… girl you really need to rethink your relationship

**if he tells you he care about you but he don't annouce you his girl cuz he don't like everybody in his business... ** BULLSHIT you the other woman! skeeeeeettttt


** if he disappears every Holiday… **cough cough** baby bye!


** when you tell himyou love himand you get “thanks” as a response.... bitch run!!! Run as fast as you can!


 ** if he hasn’t spent ANY money on you.. child shit not only are you not his main..he is cheap!


**If your name is saved in his phone as some lame ass nickname he don’t even call you...… mhmmmm you already kno!


**If you all are just “chillin"  6 months later.. he a dirty dog


** he get you pregnant and stop talking to you or demand that you “get rid of it” or claim it aint his then probably that’s because he got a wife that is gonna KILL him…


**you see him in public and he act like he doesn’t know a bitch..probably because he’s with his bitch


**Mcdonald’s is NOT I repeat NOT a romantic dinner..


**February 15^th is NOT valentine’s day.. so those discounted candy and flowers don’t mean SHIT


**if you notice a pattern of him calling at a certain time or seeing him on certain days.. then yous a HO..a sideline HO..


**if he has your house key but you don’t have his.. mhmmmmmmmmmmm child you AL-RHET-TY kno..


**if he always decides when ya’ll gonna kick it… yurp you’ze a jumpoff


**if during Christmas and Valentine’s day he prepares you ahead of time that he aint getting you shit like he a Jehovah Witness or he don’t celebrate that bullshit.. You’ze a jumpoff!


**If every time you try and talk about your “status” and his response is that you're nagging and complaining too much is why ya'll not official or why ya’ll gotta put labels on some shit… stop playin ya self.. you aint shit to him!


*** disclaimer***
Sidelines come in all shapes, sizes, colors blah blah blah… the baddest bitch could be a sideline. It doesn’t matter what you look like it can and probably has or will happen to you..girl fuck em girl FUCK HIM he the one that’s fucked up not you.. so don’t trip it happens..i hope this helps so you don't go and off yourself or summin...

Ho…Ho…Youzzz a Ho..Youzzz a Ho..sideline ho.. when you called his phone did he pick it up? Nooooooooo <-------that didn't help did it??

The car CAME with ashtrays for a REASON!!

***currently listening to "Neighbors know my name" and well that makes me think about the neighbors really knowing his name..which makes me think about sweeeeeet love..which makes me think about smoking after sex..which makes me think..ahh shit I quit...what the flocka am I gonna do afterwards now? shitttttt I didn't think this all the way thru CLEARLY!


So I hit the big 21+7 and decided that I don't wanna be a lushy chain smoker anymore...5 weeks later..I'm still NOT SMOKING.. lawd gzus praise gzus child gzus.... I NEED A SQUARE.. toodles....

Locked up they won't let me out

**BB's back..BB's back..got all these bitches screamin that BB's BACK...so let me tell ya'll whats been goin on since my last post.....not a mudda fuckin thing..a bitch hurt her back gettin her back broke and welp 3 months later im feeling better...so I'm bloggin

I got pulled over today b/c apparently I think my name is Danica Patrick and speed limits DO NOT apply to me.. so as I wait for the police to come tell me about myself..I start getting paranoid like I am a criminal...seriously pondering shit like...{{do I have any illegal drugs in here?? Am I drunk ((checks breath with my hand)) searches for eye drops and bubblelicious grape gum..Do I have any open containers of liquor on me??.. If I have warrants..should I run or just be a woman about it.. FUCK who am I gonna call to come get me?}} ahhhhh SHIT.. so I start texting folks like... yoooo what you doin right now??  As I text I'm lookin in the mirror like probably I should put some lip gloss on and brush my hair.. I would reallllly hate to have a bad mug shot.. just in case I'm in the newspaper under the crime stoppers portion cuz I'm a rebel without a cause gettin arrested and shit... I need a good picture not a fucked up one like all these other bitches... nothing worse then having puffy eyes and bed head...oh my gawww..cuz trust and believe me there is nothing worse than getting arrested looking like straight garbage son! I would know because it happened to me once... Don't fucking judge me jus listen to the story....

See what had happened was..I got pulled over way back when for having a headlight out ((PADIDDLE BITCHES)) ..so dude gave me warning but I guess he told me I need to take care of it and show proof of this nonsense.. you kno me.. I didn't show shit cuz what the fuck for its a headlight people... anywhore.. fast forward..


Thanksgiving eve I'm with my boo and his friend and for those who know me know I don't "do" the pot however I heart the pot and encourage people to blow it in my face....so my boo and his guy had been smoking in my car..I drop them off and I head home to my moms house <-- don't judge me I was still young... so 3 AM rollin to the p's house and BAM policia is behind me.. so yea  pulls me over for a license plate light whatev they have nothing better to do at 3 am.. I understand really I do! I give em my shizzy and wait for them to come back with a warning or whatev..Then I hear.."ma'am please step out of the car..**I'm oblivious still..like ok sure.. he then says.."please place your hands behind your back" still not getting it..I oblige..then he says "you are under arrest" my dumb ass looks around like WHO??? So as I'm getting frisked the other officer comes over to me like Ms. Brunson you've got 5 seconds to tell us where the "dope" is or we are callin the K-9 unit... I'm laughin probably off a contact buzz or sumthin..and my smart dumb ass is like shitttttt good luck with all that... SMDH this muthafucka was serious as fuck like..ok have it your way puts on his gloves and heads to my car... FUCK MY LIFE..


I should have been the sweet nice soft spoken chick that we ALL know I am cuz this dude TORE..listen to what Im telling you.. TORE my car apart.. you would have thought I was a drug lord crossing the fucking border or summin..He ripped my door panal all the way off...he has the canine back there probably shitting in my back seat...my poor car:( so ok..they don't find shit cuz again I don't do the pot..but these bastads take me to jail for driving on a suspended license because of a headlight violation...ARE WE SERIOUS! Where they do that at?? I'm literally in my drive way and I'm being handcuffed and they are towing my car... and oh I forgot to mention its November.. and I'm wearing a valour track suit ((crushed valour at that))with a halter.. with no undergarments and bed head **drops head..it's true I got bed head** .. STOP judging assholes! Oh and to top it off  I have a broken ankle and its in a cast..that im not supposed to be walking on but I am and I have no crutches AND on my other foot I have on a house shoe!! YES a fucking house shoe!! ..so I have to limp in handcuffs in a small ass backseat..I'M DYING YO! like literally DYING .. the car ride is like 20 min.. but felt like FOREVER.. I'm sideways in a car with my hands behind my back..the handcuffs are LITERALLY slitting my wrists..every bump is a tinge of pain..I'm singing the fuckin macarana  in my head to keep my mind off the pain "Hey Macarena Ieeeeeee' ...and dick head super trooper is trying to have a convo...  I get to the jail and they are laughing at me b/c they had never booked someone for driving on a suspended license because of a headlight violation...I didn't find the shit as funny as the CO's but what are you gonna do... they say I can make a phone call.. I look at dude like he has lost his rabbit ass mind.. I'm not callin my mother at 4 am to tell her I'm in jail...fukka that ok! I'm like ummm no I'm good..the officer starts to laugh and said "well since its technically Thanksgiving you can't see the judge until Monday you have to bond out if you don't you will have to go upstairs".. I said whats that? He said you will change into county garb and be placed into a cell until you see the judge..ewwwww I heard stories about having to wear other peoples undies and socks and yeaa...That's dead..Egyptian Dead mr. officer... so I call my mother..and Im like HI mom..I love you! Listen DON'T BE MAD but...I'm in jail can you come get me? My mother did the best fuckin thing ever!! She said "I am on my way!" Awhhhh I love my MoMski! even tho she yelled at me the ENTIRE ride home..
Moral of this story people.. Always wear underwear!!

P.the fuk S. I didn't get a ticket..and I didn't have to have a foot chase with the pokey...all is well with the world :)

I ain't no mutha fuckin SPOOBY bitch!

Hello young world it is me again..I have had a shitastic weekend..pardon me for my absence.. I was feeling better today until this manila gorilla lookin ass bitch wanted to test me.. She must not know that I am emotionally unstable right now..cuz she sure in the fuck had a staring problem and was shocked and appalled when I told her some "BOO" as I walked past her to get in my car... and FYI that wife beater and no bra isn’t workin for you..matter of fact it should be illegal..illegal as that fucked up lace front on your damn head.. enjoy ur day tootles..

Believe it or not her lace front was worse..and not combed..ewww kill yoself!



Normally I AM this mean.. but today I said it with hate.. almost wanting her to fuck with me some more.. but she didn’t have shit to say surprisingly.. after praying for forgiveness I chuckled.. as I got to work I seen this man in tight sweats that were to short..and a tight ass sweatshirt and bookbag..reminded me of the kid from BIG.



Is that a wedgy!? ewwwwie gooey!



 I said damnnn that should be ILLEGAL too.. wtf is wrong with the world today..apparently lots.. and I am here to tell you there is a laundry list of shit that should be illegal.. and when I become the leader of the free world I will enforce it! So please brace yourself because you will be arrested for NOT being awesome.

Much love,

BB

1.       People at stop lights who blare some techno music like we are at a rave.. at least turn the shit down or roll up your windows..rude rave-aholic fukka

2.       Justin Beiber.. YOU SUCK, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS..and if YOU are a fan YOU SUCK TOO… life without the possiblilty of parole for you people

3.       Tan-a-rexics.. listen I am ALL for a little color.. nobody wants to look at something that is pasty white..ewwww but fa real fa real..if you look like an umpa loompa.. ima say..you need an intervention… your race shouldn’t be ORANGE.. not cute

4.       Speedos on men.. Unless your name is Michael Phelps.. Don’t fucking do that EVER!

5.       Short Sleeve shirts with a neck tie… dude you are screaming scum bag..it reminds me of Sipowicz from NYPD blue..

6.       Bitch ass fuks who cleary see the road signs that say road closing 3 mi but still wait to the very last minute before merging! AND THEN DON’T EVEN FUCKIN GIVE YOU A HAND WAVE to show appreciation for letting them over…you make me want to ram my car into yours and then cut you back off while giving you the finger

7.       Hating the Chicago Bears.. punishment should be public stoning!

8.       Wearing Crocs..even you Mario Batali! What the fuck..fuck comfort you look like an asswipe..they make your feet sweat..which in return make ur feet smell.. ewwwie

9.       White girls with weave… ummm WHY!?

10.   Grown men on Mopeds/Scooters.. you look fucking RIDIC and Grown, Fat men on scooters… lawd gzus.. you are gonna be exiled from my Country!

11.   Men who think they are GOD’s gift to women.. actually you are a piece of shit with desco dick.. THAT IS ALL!

12.   Last Call….Noooooooo I hate this!

13.   Old People.. Yea I said it! What!? Nothing worse than walking behind them or driving behind them they are S-L-O-W as fuck.. and not only that, why must they smell like musk!? And why does their breath have to smell like cat shit?

14.   People who wear shorts and flippys with a hooded sweatshirt.. what the fuck!? I mean I know its colder up north than it is down south but dayum.. you look like a fucking idiot.. really you do..

What in theeee FUCK is this shit!?!?

I stumbled across this website.. and choked on my damn saltines.. and you know them shits are dry all fucking ready!!! Sighhh oh sighhhh This just goes to show NOT everyone can be a freakin Photog!

Seriously WTF!? #1 Dad if you hike dem jeans any higher you gonna get a yeast infection..and Mom really you actually thought a topless family photo with your 2 young daughter was a good idea.... ummmmmm weird jus weird!!

I have 3 sons.. and as much as I love dressing them alike.. Dressing them like a Ribeye never crossed my mind! huh who would have thunk it! I wonder if they had to get these specially made.. SMH Lady Gaga aint got nathan' on them!

I don't know what is worse.. the fact that they are in prom gowns in the middle of the woods.. Or that they are holding COCKS... jus sayin

**I'm too sexy for my shirt..too sexy for my shirt..So sexy it hurts!**

Me TARZAN you JANE lookin ass..

hahaha ohhh lawd.. with his mullet and small wenis.. smh

#1 why are you drinking OJ? It's milk that does a body good..and by the looks of the bone popping out of your pelvis it looks like you could use some.. #2 I am impressed by ur flexability and will be starting yoga IMMEDIATLY! lmao

Goooooooooooo!.. once I realized what it was I was looking at it   ^^^ scared the SHIT outta me!! seriously

Does he look like Ron Jeremy to anyone else?

P.S. are they gonna kill Petey with the bayonet!?

P.P.S. we can see who wears the pants in this family..and it isn't Ron Jeremy Jr.Jr

((I inserted a pic of Ron Jeremey.. cuz sum of ya'll apperently don't like porn as much as I do..))

Ok hunee.. ok hunee..ok hunee DAMN lil BITCH ima need you to stop kissing my man NOW!

Nothing says BABY like a tire :) at least you coulda wiped the dirt off them treads ya dig!

Mirror Mirror on the wall..Ohhh I can't wait to grow up and be a topless bride with jeans on..